Monday, November 4, 2013

Seriously...don't do it.

Don't you hate it when people show up to your house uninvited? I live down a very secluded private road on the camp. When groups are in we might have people coming and going that pass by my house, but nobody that needs to come here. Hubby is the caretaker and we live on the property and for some reason people think this is an extension of his office. NO.

Munchkin is still on a really weird sleep schedule and if you show up to my house anywhere from 8:00am- 10:00am it's unlikely that we will be up because we've just gone to bed at 3:00am. This wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that people do not want to leave us alone. I had FOUR days in a row where people stopped at this house wanting to speak to Hubby ( who YES has a cell phone and wasn't even home) or who needed to drop something off for Hubby ( they literally pass his office which is designed for that on the way to my house).

I just don't get it. One man was so courteous as to pull up in our driveway and honk his horn until I opened the door and threatened him with death ( not really, but I was about three seconds away from it). That was bad, but the early awakers are almost just as bad...we have a little driveway off of the main camp road, what in the world would possess you to drive down it, walk up on our porch, and bang on our door at eight in the morning!?!? I of course answer the door with my ( day...ok two day old) unwashed hair, see-through sleeping pants and Hubby's three times too big shirt and looking like the poster child of an angry zombie from The Walking Dead.

What did this man want at eight in the morning? To talk to Hubby. The conversation went a little like this:

Intrusive Man: " Hey...uh.....I need to speak to Jamie (Hubby)"
 Me: " He isn't here"
Intrusive Man: " He's not?"
Me: " No." ( looking at our driveway where our car clearly is not here)
Intrusive Man: " Well I need to reach him"
Me: " Did you call him?"
Intrusive Man: ""
Me: " Do you need his number?"
Intrusive Man: " No, I have it"
Me: " Have a good day" * shut door*

Now listen, I am a very nice, gracious person. I enjoy having people over and visiting in my home. My issue is when they show up unannounced and the reason is absurd. Some parts of me are embarrassed that these people are seeing my no makeup face, unshaved legs, and holey sweats, but then another part of me thinks if they're willing to be rude and show up unannounced then they totally deserve it.  Heck I've even thought about making it worse. Here are my ideas:

1. Answer the door wearing a silk kimono, holding candles and massage lotion. Tell people that no, Hubby is not home, but I'm super busy and can't talk.

2. Invite them in and when they inevitably ask about your baby take this wonderful time to share your birthing story, make is as detailed and long as possible.

3.  When they ask if you've seen your significant other or where your significant other is start violently crying, and yell " Why don't you ask Loretta!!" and slam the door. They'll be so embarrassed I guarantee you won't see their face for weeks.

4. Pretend you don't speak english, feel free to make up your own language.

5. Ask if it's Halloween already, give them Ramen, politely laugh, feign embarrassment at how fast the days fly by then shut the door. They'll be so confused it might take them a while to get the hint, if they knock again, revert to number four.

6. Pretend you're Scarlett O'Hara.... or Thor, whichever works for you but you really have to own it.

7. When you answer the door, don't let them say anything and loudly proclaim that you're glad they're there. Promptly ask them to help you move furniture around.
Or you could make a sign like this creative tot:

I just wish it could be like Downton Abbey where I could have Carson take messages and announcements. I wouldn't have to deal with any of these rude intruders, but unfortunately I'm poor and have no butlers. Sigh. So how do you handles these weird, awkward moments when people randomly show up at your door?

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