10 MORE things you should never do or say to a retail cashier

If you haven't checked out the first list, you can find it here . I hate humanity for making me create a second list, le sigh...here it goes.

1. (Walks up to me with a list and hands it to me) Can you go get these for me? You'll be able to find them quicker than I can THANKS!

Are you really this lazy or are you just too stupid to find your way around a brightly lit store? Either way you should probably go play in the road if you do this.

2. Literally throwing money down on my counter instead of placing it in my open.waiting.outstretched.hand.

You better pray I never find out where you work.







3.Is there a store in ( another state, another county, another country..etc..)? Where are they located at there?
Oh I'm so sorry...when I got the job they didn't hand me a printout of every single store they had and ask me to memorize it along with what street they were all on and their individual phone numbers. Sorry I'm so incompetent, you should write a letter.





4. Is this coupon expired? ( hands me coupon ) 

Did you just lose your vision in the five seconds it took you to come through the door and walk to my register?

5. (Phone Rings) Do you have ____? What's the price of that? Is it on sale? What's the regular price? When does that sale end? How big is the box? how heavy is the box? What color is it? What is it's favorite color? What was it's mother's maiden name?



I do not have time for this crap. You did not call QVC, if you have that many questions go online or visit the store.






6. Hey baby where is _____ at?

You and your mullet owe me an apology.






7. ( Phone Rings ) Yea...I'm heading your way, where are you located? No...I don't know where that is. No..not there either. No, doesn't sound familiar. No I don't want to go that way. No, I don't want to take the highway. Exactly how many miles are you from here?

If only they made something that could tell you how to get to places easily, or maybe a map that you could look at online before you left.....someone should invent that.




8. ( Literally right after they pay) Can I have some scissors? I'm going to open this. ( opens package, leaves all of his trash on the counter, takes item and throws scissors down)

Thanks, my busy counter was just DYING to have your discarded trash placed on it.Toddlers know how to pick up after themselves...TODDLERS!





9. Me: Hello welcome to ______! How are you? (looks directly at me and then continues to walk away without so much as a smile in my direction)



 You're doing that good huh?







10. (this happens a lot more than it should ) Excuse me miss...I know you won't know what I'm talking about, so do you have a guy that you can call up to answer my questions about this screwdriver?





You're so right, I don't even know why they let me run a cash register, women are inherently horrible at math right? Should I go cook you something and pop out some babies?

13 Things You Should Never Do Or Say To A Retail Cashier

1. Wow, it is gorgeous outside.

Yea I don't know if you noticed or not but...I'm working all afternoon....indoors....dealing with idiots....thanks.






2. (after I yawn) Oh I'm sorry....am I keeping you up?

I have literally killed you in my mind at least three times.






3. ( after handing me money)That's a brand new one, I just made it! ha ha ha!

C'mon man....really? Did you not just hear the last seven people say that same exact dumb joke?







4. You guys should carry _______, those are great...you should really tell them to stock it.

 Yes, because multimillion dollar companies always consult the minimum wage cashiers on what they should stock in their stores.







5. If it doesn't scan it's free right? ha! 

I give up....and you're not funny.







6. Is that with my great customer discount? Just give me yours....c'mon give me some discount!

If you say this then you're lucky if I give you even a fake smile much less any discounts.






7. ( walks in, doesn't even glance at the HUGE bright signs that clearly say where everything is) Where are screwdrivers? 

Quite literally five feet in front of you....under the screwdrivers sign.






8. Working hard or hardly working? 

Working hard.....to not stab you with a fork.






9. ( arms loaded down) Can I just set these down here (on my busy counter) while I'm still shopping? 

Did you not see the shopping carts and shopping baskets that you passed on your way up here? What do you want me to do with all your crap in my way? Do you REALLY think you're more important than all the other normal shoppers who have their stuff together?...yes....yes they do.




10. ( while I am literally in the middle of a sentence with another customer) I just need to ask you a question....

So does this guy...who politely waited his turn. You know the people who do this were the ones who cut in the lunch line in front of the good honest people like you and I.







11. ( walks up, asks for a price check) No...that's too much...you can have it. ( then leaves)

I'm sorry....did you forget where you got that in the seven seconds it took to walk up here or did you just think that I wasn't working hard enough and should tell everyone in my line to wait while I go and put the item back where you got it? I know your mother taught your better.




12. You charged me more, see it's on this (coupon) for five dollars less. (which they didn't show me at all)

I can't read your mind and know you have a coupon in your jacket pocket. Please....allow me to apologize and take up more of my time because you don't know what a coupon is.




13. ( on my way out the store with my jacket, purse and lunch box) Hey...you work here...I need help.

I will make your death slow and painful.

Submitted to Amanda over at Serenity Now

Really Humans? Really?

When did we get so annoying as a human race? When did we get this notion that we were so superior and that we know what's best for everyone and everything? Yesterday I took my mother-in-law and granny-in-law shopping and the shop was close to the ocean, when we pulled into the parking lot there were a group of tourists surrounding a tree.

My naturally curious mother-in-law went to the tree to see what was going on and she said there was a pelican laying next to it. I got munch in her carseat and followed them over. The pelican was pretty cool, but what was annoying was the fact that the tourists were all freaking out.

" Do you think it's hurt?"
" Why is it here?"
" Does he look normal?"
" Can birds get rabies?"
" Should we feed it?"

I had a look of horror on my face and told them very clearly that no you should not feed it. A man then said it looked like it might need help because it was sitting there and not walking or wanting to eat, and I spoke very slowly and deliberately so he could understand me:

" He is a wild animal. He can feed himself, he is probably resting. Leave him alone."

Then the man gave me a weird look like I was some sort of idiot and asked what pelicans ate and if I thought the bird would take some bread from his hand. I then shook my head and said:

" Ok...yea...sounds like a great idea..hand feed a wild animal, they make great pets."

I then turned my stroller around and began walking towards the shop. The bird was not hurt, he was not in need of any human attention. I just could not believe that these people who were A) Not familiar with these animals at all, and this was the first time probably EVER seeing one up close B) Had no veterinary degrees or medical training were so convinced they knew what was best for this bird. They thought they were entitled to hand feed a wild animal....as if it actually needed our assistance to live. Get over yourself humans!

p.s.- I did not take a picture of the pelicans out of respect.

Seriously?! Fake Butt Injections?

I'm not sure if you guys are aware or not, but apparently there is an epidemic in Florida of bad butt injections. Yes, I said butt injections. The newest is of a Florida man who posed as a doctor and injected silicone into at least two patient's butts at a friggen motel room. I get the fact that you wanted to boost up your assets (haha) and hey I am all about saving money but c'mon man! The minute that guy tells you to meet him in a hotel room and he pulls out a plastic cup of "silicone" get the heck out of there! What did you think was happening? He was saving money with the overhead and passing the savings to you? NO.

Oh I almost forgot...the man sealed up their injection site with Krazy glue and charge them $200.00 per injection site. I don't know how much butt injections are going for nowadays, but to be stabbed by someone in a sketchy motel room for $ 200.00 seems a little high. I wouldn't have been dumb enough to get it done, but if I would have I probably would have haggled with the price a little. The horrifying part is that nothing was sterilized and of course the victims ended up being hospitalized due to infections ( they are both ok by the way...I'm funny not a monster geesh people).

 If it was just these people then I might give Florida a pass on this one but it's not. According to the article this is just one of a whole series of arrests.In one case a woman was injecting people with cement and fix-a-flat. While I can appreciate the comedic value of pretending to "boost" someone's rear by injecting a substance used to fix flat tires...that is how people get killed. What are you thinking?

I know that being in Florida is rough if you have a bad looking booty because it's so hot you can't really cover it. It's like bathing suit season 24/7 down there and I really feel your pain on that one. However seeing a seedy dude in a motel room is not the way to go people! Go buy yourself a personal trainer with that money or invest in some REALLY awesome spanx ( which sell bathing suits by the way! Score!). I'm worried about you Florida, if it was just one case I could forgive the mistake, but after all these reports I just can't let it go. I feel it is my duty to bring awareness. This is for your benefit Florida, you'll thank me in the long run.

Full Story Here

More idiot customer dealings.

Me: " Hello how are you to-"
Customer: (cuts me off) " Where is my cart I had brought up? That guy said he was bringing it up."
Me: ( pointing at cart in box) "Is it a welding cart?"
Customer: "NO, no, no mine is 'pose to be put together."
Me: "No sir, we don't have any assembled."
Customer: "Are you fricken kidding me?"
Me: "Sorry."
Customer: "I want one already put together, I'm paying for a fricken cart not a box"
Me: ( lightly laughs) " Sorry..sir, but it's actually just a few screws if that makes you feel any better."
Customer: ( IMITATES MY LAUGHING) " laughing wont get my damn cart assembled"
Me: ( no smile obviously).....
Customer: "Let me talk to a damn manager."
- Manager repeats what I say, customer then begins to loudly talk about how bad our customer service is...I kid you not. I seriously wish I was joking. -
Me: " That will be 38.57"
Customer: "I deserve a damn discount...can't you slip me a discount"
 Then SMILES at me, like we we're kidding and friends this whole time...HHHMMM after you insulted me, irritated me, made me call a manager and then started cussing at me. YYYYEEEEAA sure let me just hook you right up....
Me: " 38.57 sir."
Customer: "I'll tell you this, I'm gonna pay for it but y'all wont see me back in here I can guarantee you that."
 ------Promise?!?


Me: ( answering the phone while store is REALLY busy and I have a line of people)
"Thank you for calling ____ this is Nickie how can I help you?"
Customer: "  Well you see I bought one of your drills and I like the drill, it's a great drill. My brother in law didn't believe how little of a price I paid for it. You know some of your stuff is crap, but a lot of it really is a good deal.That drill is worth its weight in gold. So I bought it during Christmas time.."
Me: ( thinking of committing suicide on the other end waiting for the flippin question)
Customer: "...and I never got to use it till a week ago, you know how Christmas time is. Anyways, I finally got to use it and that was when I found out that I liked it so much and I decided that maybe I should get another battery so I can use it all the time. You really wouldn't believe how many things I can do with this thing and it's so cheap I just can't hardly believe it...."
Me: ( ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME) " Oh yea, they are awesome, so you need mo-?"
Customer: ( cuts me off ) " Oh yea they are...I'm gettin' to that. So I really liked it and I wanted to buy a second battery for it, but now that I'm thinking of it maybe I'd like to get three or four and....
Me: ( stepping in here and getting glares of death from other customers who are waiting). " Well we do have those batteries in stock would you like me to put them on hold for you?"
Customer: " Well see I can't come in and get it because I bought it in your store while I was visiting. We like to travel down a few times a year you know and we wont be back for a while. I wish we lived closer, heck I wish we at least had a store near us, but we don't so we travel down with our vacation ya know....well anyways I know about the website which is pretty handy because....."
 This continued for another six minutes. SIX. I timed it. The kicker was that he already knew the website and was wondering if we had a parts number to get the product to him faster...which we do not. So basically I lost fourteen minutes of my life on hold with a customer who I could not help and basically called me for no reason other than to gab about our products while I was being mentally shanked by the other customers in line.

Strangers insulting my child....mother trucker....

If you visit this blog to get your daily dose of literary genius( ha!) you may want to go somewhere else for a few moments because this is not a real post, it's basically me just ranting. Here goes:

MY CHILD IS A FRIGGEN GIRL!

She is in a PINK carseat, there are PINK toys hanging from the bar, there is a DOLL in a DRESS on the bar, she has a zebra print hat on,  she is wearing a PINK onesie, she is sucking on a PINK pacifier, she is in a PINK carseat with a PINK blanket on her.

Why would you feel the need to say " oh what a handsome boy"  or " he looks just like daddy". You make me want to hit you. NO parent wants to hear you say that their daughter is handsome. If you can't take a hint from all the pink clues then for the love of God just say " oh what a precious baby". There, that isn't hard.Good Lord! This is our conversation with a waitress at IHOP:

Waitress: " Oh look at that handsome boy."
Me: " Yes, She sure is beautiful" ( speaking very nicely)
Waitress: " How old is he?"
Me: " She is 5 months" ( slightly less nice)
Waitress: " He is so well behaved"
Me:  " Yep..we got lucky with her" ( strained)
Waitress: " What's his name?"
Me: Staring at her
Hubbs: "She's a baby girl, a female baby...girl."
Waitress: " Oh....."

 

 Excuse me while I go bang my head on the wall for a few moments.

NO walmart you can't sit at the Cool Kids table.

Have you went to Walmart's website any today? I don't know when the actual change took affect, but their site is completely different now. Everything has a slightly rounder look and they have a " My Store" button that is full of information on...well, my store. I'll give them credit it is sort of neat you can see the best selling products plus news directly from your store I sort of like it, but then they went and made a " Trending Now" tab.

It's weird. To say the least. There are Pins from Pinterest and Just Sold Items or Just Reviewed Items. It's sort of like they're trying to be cool, and guess what Walmart you just can't be. We come to you because this recession is ripping us a new one, and you're about the only place we can afford anymore. Don't patronize us by trying to pretend you're cool now and in turn we're cool for shopping with you...you sir are no target and it's time you face that fact. You will never be as alluring as Sephora or as awesome as Amazon, you are Walmart. Most of your patrons come to you in their pajamas. This is just too weird. I ask you to take down your cockamamie ( totally didn't spell that right the first time) "cool kids" tab down while you still have some shred of self-respect. To remind you of your roots I give you the  People of Walmart  YouTube video, that is all.

Allergies? Here 4 month old have some pancake syrup...

Well the Christmas get-together went well. My munchkin was passed from person to person and I totally kept my cool. I never once got irritated or upset, I let everyone who wanted to hold her get a chance to hold her so...I win first time mommy party award. The only thing that bothered me...other than my sister-in-law completely metaphorically stabbing my husband in the back...(story for next time kiddos) is the fact that TWICE people gave her food against my wishes. My munchkin already has a milk allergy, and EVERYONE knows that I do not like feeding her anything but the soy milk and some pureed food, but this weekend not only once but twice people slipped her things.

The first incident was letting her taste a peppermint stick and the second one was when they dipped their finger in maple syrup and gave it to her. Now I understand that this isn't like feeding her mashed potatoes or anything but I am very hesitant with what we feed her especially with her allergy and here they are doing it on purpose against my wishes. It did upset me, and my hubbs didn't care which didn't make me any happier. I didn't find out about these events until AFTER they happened which pissed me off more. MY question is would you be upset? Am I being too sensitive about this? I never brought it up or fussed, but I assure you I was not a happy camper. I just think they should have respected my wishes.