13 Things You Should Never Do Or Say To A Retail Cashier

1. Wow, it is gorgeous outside.

Yea I don't know if you noticed or not but...I'm working all afternoon....indoors....dealing with idiots....thanks.






2. (after I yawn) Oh I'm sorry....am I keeping you up?

I have literally killed you in my mind at least three times.






3. ( after handing me money)That's a brand new one, I just made it! ha ha ha!

C'mon man....really? Did you not just hear the last seven people say that same exact dumb joke?







4. You guys should carry _______, those are great...you should really tell them to stock it.

 Yes, because multimillion dollar companies always consult the minimum wage cashiers on what they should stock in their stores.







5. If it doesn't scan it's free right? ha! 

I give up....and you're not funny.







6. Is that with my great customer discount? Just give me yours....c'mon give me some discount!

If you say this then you're lucky if I give you even a fake smile much less any discounts.






7. ( walks in, doesn't even glance at the HUGE bright signs that clearly say where everything is) Where are screwdrivers? 

Quite literally five feet in front of you....under the screwdrivers sign.






8. Working hard or hardly working? 

Working hard.....to not stab you with a fork.






9. ( arms loaded down) Can I just set these down here (on my busy counter) while I'm still shopping? 

Did you not see the shopping carts and shopping baskets that you passed on your way up here? What do you want me to do with all your crap in my way? Do you REALLY think you're more important than all the other normal shoppers who have their stuff together?...yes....yes they do.




10. ( while I am literally in the middle of a sentence with another customer) I just need to ask you a question....

So does this guy...who politely waited his turn. You know the people who do this were the ones who cut in the lunch line in front of the good honest people like you and I.







11. ( walks up, asks for a price check) No...that's too much...you can have it. ( then leaves)

I'm sorry....did you forget where you got that in the seven seconds it took to walk up here or did you just think that I wasn't working hard enough and should tell everyone in my line to wait while I go and put the item back where you got it? I know your mother taught your better.




12. You charged me more, see it's on this (coupon) for five dollars less. (which they didn't show me at all)

I can't read your mind and know you have a coupon in your jacket pocket. Please....allow me to apologize and take up more of my time because you don't know what a coupon is.




13. ( on my way out the store with my jacket, purse and lunch box) Hey...you work here...I need help.

I will make your death slow and painful.

Submitted to Amanda over at Serenity Now

Thanks Tuesday...You Were A Douche

It is 8:07 as I type this out, so it totally counts as a blog post for today. I had to go into work this morning and while I was there I developed a migraine that made me want to literally shoot myself in the face to end the pain. It was the type of migraine that went past minor irritation to light and sound, and instead was making me gag and the room spin just from the shear pain of it. I came home shaking, and spent the afternoon crying and trying to go to sleep to make it all go away.

I woke up at about six and miraculously the pain was all gone, and everything was right in the world again. Hubby needed to go to the store so we packed up munchkin and headed out. It wasn't until we were at the store when we realized we had completely forgotten the diaper bag. The only thing she had was a bottle that we made right before we left. Fear set in immediately and although we only planned to be gone for less than an hour we were panic stricken.

Hubby began practically throwing things into the shopping cart, and I was doing everything I could think of to distract her. We were practically running through the isles like we were on Supermarket Sweep and when we were about half way done with our list she began to get fussy. She didn't want the bottle and she was starting to get louder so I picked her up and held her on my front chest facing me which seemed to make her happy.

It was then that I noticed that the whole front part of my shirt had a big, round wet mark on it. It literally covered my whole front like she peed on me. Apparently her bottle had overturned in the car seat and soaked her butt which I then held to my chest. Awesome.

So there I was having to hold the wet butt baby to me because of the huge wet mark on me, and try to entertain her through the store without letting people see because of course you know their going to think she peed on me. Then I'll be that mom whose walking around with pee on her and before you know it I'LL be on People Of Walmart.com.

I kept waiting for someone we knew to come by and ask to hold her, but that didn't happen thank God. We wrapped up the trip with no further incident and vowed to never forget the bag again. Never in my life have I depended so much on one little bag. I think they should invent a button that beeps when you leave the house without it. Yep....my next invention....don't steal that America, I know where you live.

More idiot customer dealings.

Me: " Hello how are you to-"
Customer: (cuts me off) " Where is my cart I had brought up? That guy said he was bringing it up."
Me: ( pointing at cart in box) "Is it a welding cart?"
Customer: "NO, no, no mine is 'pose to be put together."
Me: "No sir, we don't have any assembled."
Customer: "Are you fricken kidding me?"
Me: "Sorry."
Customer: "I want one already put together, I'm paying for a fricken cart not a box"
Me: ( lightly laughs) " Sorry..sir, but it's actually just a few screws if that makes you feel any better."
Customer: ( IMITATES MY LAUGHING) " laughing wont get my damn cart assembled"
Me: ( no smile obviously).....
Customer: "Let me talk to a damn manager."
- Manager repeats what I say, customer then begins to loudly talk about how bad our customer service is...I kid you not. I seriously wish I was joking. -
Me: " That will be 38.57"
Customer: "I deserve a damn discount...can't you slip me a discount"
 Then SMILES at me, like we we're kidding and friends this whole time...HHHMMM after you insulted me, irritated me, made me call a manager and then started cussing at me. YYYYEEEEAA sure let me just hook you right up....
Me: " 38.57 sir."
Customer: "I'll tell you this, I'm gonna pay for it but y'all wont see me back in here I can guarantee you that."
 ------Promise?!?


Me: ( answering the phone while store is REALLY busy and I have a line of people)
"Thank you for calling ____ this is Nickie how can I help you?"
Customer: "  Well you see I bought one of your drills and I like the drill, it's a great drill. My brother in law didn't believe how little of a price I paid for it. You know some of your stuff is crap, but a lot of it really is a good deal.That drill is worth its weight in gold. So I bought it during Christmas time.."
Me: ( thinking of committing suicide on the other end waiting for the flippin question)
Customer: "...and I never got to use it till a week ago, you know how Christmas time is. Anyways, I finally got to use it and that was when I found out that I liked it so much and I decided that maybe I should get another battery so I can use it all the time. You really wouldn't believe how many things I can do with this thing and it's so cheap I just can't hardly believe it...."
Me: ( ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME) " Oh yea, they are awesome, so you need mo-?"
Customer: ( cuts me off ) " Oh yea they are...I'm gettin' to that. So I really liked it and I wanted to buy a second battery for it, but now that I'm thinking of it maybe I'd like to get three or four and....
Me: ( stepping in here and getting glares of death from other customers who are waiting). " Well we do have those batteries in stock would you like me to put them on hold for you?"
Customer: " Well see I can't come in and get it because I bought it in your store while I was visiting. We like to travel down a few times a year you know and we wont be back for a while. I wish we lived closer, heck I wish we at least had a store near us, but we don't so we travel down with our vacation ya know....well anyways I know about the website which is pretty handy because....."
 This continued for another six minutes. SIX. I timed it. The kicker was that he already knew the website and was wondering if we had a parts number to get the product to him faster...which we do not. So basically I lost fourteen minutes of my life on hold with a customer who I could not help and basically called me for no reason other than to gab about our products while I was being mentally shanked by the other customers in line.

How do they make it through their day without grumpy cat? HOW?

One of the downsides to working in a tool store filled with primarily older men is that nobody really understands any of my internet humor. I spent almost 30 minutes trying to explain I can has cheeseburger to them.

" So it's a website of cats?" looking at me like I was some crazy person
" Well...yea, but some other animals too, they're doing funny things and there are captions written in cutesy writing, and it's REALLY funny." Fixed with a really stupid grin and really happy to be sharing the joy of  I can has Cheeseburger.
" But...it's just pets." sounding dubious like I'm trying to sell them something.
" Yea, and they say funny things on the picture captions." excitement beginning to fade.
" ......."
" Nevermind."  Excitement gone.

They literally have never seen any meme, nor know what one is. They were clueless when I made references to  Sweet Brown ain't nobody got time for that and thought I was crazy when I started singing Hide yo' kids Hide yo' Wives, I am not kidding you, in fact these are the same people who when I said I was excited for the Hunger Games coming out one of them literally asked " What is that like a new board game?" It's like I'm friggen Tom Hanks in Castaway, just me alone on my little island with people who know nothing about internet culture. Sometimes life can be hard.....

Idiot Customer Dealings Level: 25% off Coupons

Why? Why must you come into the place I work and do stupid things that make me want to call your mother on you? We have started offering a coupon for 25% off an item for New Years Day Only in the store. yay. They are stationed at our registers in the open right next to the credit card machines. You would not believe the number of people who say:

 " Are you going to mail those to us?"
 " No sir you need to take one now. We get rid of them all before on the 31st."
" Can I have one?"
" ( thinking: no dummy we put those there to tease you. They're actually only for the attractive customers.)....Yes sir"
" I'm going to be there for that sale."
" Actually sir that's a coupon. You need to grab one of those and bring them in on the first to use it and get that discount."
" I have to bring it in?"
" Yes....it is a coupon."

 The best was this: 
" I want to use this 25% coupon now."
" I'm sorry sir, that is for New Years Day only..the first of January."
" But I won't be here."
" I'm sorry sir, but if you're near any other stores you can use it there."
" I'm not going to be."
"....sorry..."
" NO I should be able to use it now" ----- serious
" Sorry sir we can't do that."
" THIS is bullshit. I shouldn't be penalized because I won't be here...THIS is not fair." ----beginning to yell
" .....sorry.."
" Call a manager this is bullshit. I wont be here y'all need to give me the discount NOW." 

.......after a manager told him what I already said he then dropped his items on the counter and yelled that he was tired of being hassled and would NEVER spend his money here again. Here's the facts: if YOU stopped shopping at these big stores, and you literally got EVERY member of your family to stop and EVERY SINGLE friend they knew to stop shopping there as well, it would not make one little blip on their company radar. Small, local stores do need every bit of business they can get, but not these big giant stores. Stop being a tool (haha see what I did there) smile at the cashier and then leave. It is THAT simple.

creeper old Italian man totally hit on me

I was sick all morning, but managed to pull myself together for work because I'm a responsible adult and whatnot. Later that afternoon I had an older Italian gentleman (80 or so) tell me I was beautiful literally seven times, and it got to that awkward stage where he wasn't just complementing me, he was practically undressing me with his eyes. Going from someone's zany grandpa to the old guy who slaps the nursing home ladies' butts in just a few short moments. He was just standing at my register talking to me, and I had a line so I was trying to nudge him out the door, but he just continued to call me beautiful and so I tried making a joke to make this all less awkward ... " I'm just going to keep you here, you make me feel good." hahaha small joke. WELL he then was like " ok...I'll stay." and proceeded to stand by my register until I checked out the rest of the people in my line.

Meanwhile I am making eyes with my other cashier mentally screaming OH MY GOODNESS can you believe this creepy guy?? When the line dies down he then begins talking to me all over again about how beautiful I am, even though I told him I was happily married and have a child. It was definitely moving past that frozen smile, ok your funny now go away phase to the ok dude you're about to be slapped with a restraining order. He finally went away when I was called into the office ( to be rescued by my awesome boss) but he made sure to say. " ok...I go now..but I will be back to see you my gorgeous."........yay. I can hardly wait. Just a word to any older men reading this: don't flirt with the cashier. She is probably not having a good day to begin with and she doesn't need your creeper self asking her out. it's weird. just stop....that is all.

Dealings with customers and Pinterest Update

Ok, so I don't have any followers on my blog, but obviously someone must have been reading because overnight my Pinterest board went from 55 followers to 76 ALSO the Can you say YUM?!? board went from 61 to 68 followers!! WOW basically consider me giving you a huge virtual hug...unless you're germophobic and that would creep you out, and in that case I wrote you a very thoughtful thank you note....because that is pure awesomeness and it totally made my crappy day better, true it could have been pure coincidence, but I like to think otherwise.

Ok so I work at a tool store. This is a chain, but not one of the big boys..more like the big boy's distant cousin. Anyway...there are some really AMAZING customers that I come in contact with. There are some who make my day brighter and who I would truly miss if I left, but then there are those other ones. If you have worked in retail you TOTALLY know what I'm talking about. They just make me wonder HOW they have made it thus far in life. Here are a few things that I get the pleasure of dealing with on a daily basis....

 1) AT the checkout counter, customer walks up and lays tons of stuff on register then proceeds to throw down a booklet ...
Customer: " Are there coupons in here ?"  ( a COUPON booklet with bar-coded COUPONS that was sent to them) 
Me : " Yes sir, and if you have any in there that you would like to use just show them to me and I can scan them for you. You don't have to cut them out"
Customer: " Well I don't know...is any of this stuff in there?"
Me: " Well sir they print over 400 coupons a month so I can't be sure."
Customer: " Well how about you look through that and find them for me " ( for ALL 32 items on register)

REALLY?!?! I'm not the one saving money here, why would I spend that much time helping YOU save money when you're not even polite or friendly to me.ALSO you're holding everyone else up.

2) Customer throws receipt at counter.
" That girl charged me more."
Me: ? ( like we have a "charge more button or something")
Customer: "It was suppose to be only 1.99 and she charged me 3.00!!"
Me: " Alright sir, well let me go verify that and if it's a different price we can change it."
---- it's listed as 3.00, show guy and then he pulls out a bar-coded coupon.
Customer: "SEE?!? It says 1.99!!!"
Me: " Sir, that is a coupon we have to scan that bar-code at the bottom to bring it down to that price."
Customer: " Well that is ridiculous, this is not a coupon."
Me: " Yes sir it is...see that bar-code? It is a coupon."
Customer: " show me where it says that this is a coupon"
Me: " under the item title...." this coupon entitles you to....."
Customer: " WHATEVER just give me the difference."


So yea...more to come later. Once again thank you everyone who started following my pinterest boards, I hope you find some amazingly delicious food recipes on my site or cool ideas for your home..whatever you're into.