Let's talk about change.

Isn't it crazy to think about how you used to be? I mean really think back to the way you thought and acted five, ten, twenty years ago. It's a little bewildering right? I look back at how I thought and acted as a kid in high school and I'm kind of in disbelief and yea..slightly embarassed at times. I thought some crazy stuff, I acted in some crazy ways ( let's put it this way: my senior picture is me as a blonde..enough said). I used to think I had everything figured out, I thought I knew who I was and how I felt but my thoughts and opinions have changed repeatedly over the years. Don't get me wrong I still have my personal beliefs and morals that have remained solid...I'm mostly talking about thoughts and feelings you have while growing up, while finding yourself.

I remember being a lot more trusting of myself and others. I'm not sure if that's just simply the illusion of being bulletproof that all youth have or the fact that I really didn't know much about the world. I remember being more outgoing, confident and carefree. While some of those traits are still there, just slightly buried I think they've just been replaced by the more mature adult side of myself that I've grown into.

That's what it's about really...growing. I think the most you grow as a person is when you become a parent. You don't realize how much your thoughts and actions change until you start looking back at them. I think that's natural though, you suddenly find yourself in charge of this tiny, fragile, helpless human and it's not only your job to help them grow physically, emotionally, and spiritually but it's your responsibility. It's literally all on you to help this tiny little being adapt and grow in this ever-changing world. It can be so daunting and I think it's only natural that we find ourselves growing and changing right along with them.

I was holding my two-year old little munchkin on my lap last night, and I kissed the top of her little head as she played on my phone and I thought about how before I got pregnant I swore I'd never let her even touch a phone until she was six. That was before she hit terrible twos, teething, and tantrums. That was before balancing a grocery list, coupons, grocery cart, and a screaming toddler. Soothing her by letting her play on my phone so I could have just fifteen minutes of calm while we careened down the isles of Walmart trying to get everything done is one of the latest mommy sins I've adapted into my mommy arsenal. It works and hey...I don't knock it because sometimes that's what life is about.

Sometimes it's about going back on those things you used to think and feel to adapt to this fast-changing world. Sometimes it's giving in on a cell phone, sometimes it's having to ask someone for help, sometimes it's having to be the bad guy, sometimes it's admitting you were wrong. Life is all about change and I think if we go into it thinking with our hearts and minds open the easier it will be. Yes, we're going to make mistakes...LOTS of mistakes ( senior picture remember) but that's the beauty in life, you can learn from them. You can grow from them and while you might feel a little guilty about going back on a certain way you used to think try not to be so hard on yourself. You're doing your best, and look....you're only human. Life wouldn't be fun if we all stuck to a road map, life is all about getting stuck in ditches and finding out what works for someone else might not work for us and that's ok because we need to find our own paths and we need to accept that fact towards others too.

Whatever you're holding onto from your old self, whatever negative thoughts, feelings or mistakes you might have harbored from your old life and your old self just give them up. Recognize that you're a human and you're growing. Try to love yourself like you love that little human you're helping to grow and learn. Move on from mistakes and recognize that faults make us stronger. Changing our old thoughts and opinions means we're growing. Loving and accepting others' faults, mistakes and changes means you're a decent human being. We shouldn't be so embarassed about the way we once were or the thoughts we once held. We need to focus instead on our future and our now. Next time you think back to some of those old choices you made and feelings you had I hope you give yourself the grace to let them simply go, and let yourself instead be happy with the person you are now and not dissapointed in the person you once were. Life is about change and changing with it means we're alive and growing...it's a good thing.

Smell me guys

Recently I discovered a little company called Fandlemonium. They are self described as "candles for geeks" I however prefer to call them dream makers....or enablers....depending on which side of the fandom you're on.

They make candles that are scented in a way that describes and brings to life your favorite fandom characters. Sherlock. They have Sherlock. They also have the Tardis, Harry Potter, and Dean Winchester among many others.

I was like a little schoolgirl you guys. What's better than watching Sherlock? Smelling Sherlock! Or better yet, watching Sherlock while you smell Sherlock! I argued this case to Hubby who informed me I was starting to scare him a little and suggested that maybe I had a problem, but you guys understand. You are my people.

That got me thinking though, what would I smell like? Not now, in a weird have you showered today thing or what does your house smell like. I mean if I was a character in a movie or show and my real life was some fiction life what would my character scents be?

Margaritas? Honestly no....I had maybe three since Munchkin was born. Dogs? I love animals, but would find it offensive to have one of my signature scents be of a dog. How do you bottle awkwardness and the tendency to drop things? What is the scent of an under-achieving, loving, obsessive, clean freak?

Well I honestly did give it some thought and if I were a candle character this is what my scents would be (I kept it to three max, I think anymore and it would just smell like a febreze factory)

1. Books
Because I would be lost without them, and I owe so very much to them.
2. Coffee
Because I would kill people without it..... and it invokes memories of drinking coffee with my Mom, Grandma, Aunt, and family at my Grandma's house in Louisiana
3. Vanilla 
 Because it reminds me of baking with my mom and someday teaching Munchkin to bake, and cooking with the Hubs.

So there it is, I think that'd make a pretty good candle if I do say so myself. So tell me...what are your three scents?

Once Upon A Time....

Sit down little children and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there was a beautiful, smart, funny, adorable, charming, wonderful, lovely...uhm...modest Queen. She lived with a handsome, charming King and a darling, sweet tiny little munchkin tornado in a quaint little modular home.

The Queen lived a wonderful life and adapted very easily into her role of a stay at home munchkin tornado wrangler. She adapted so well that she rarely had any clothes piled up or crumbs on the floor, and she did this all without the help of little singing pudgy mice.

The Queen only had one little hangup and that was the small habit of leaving things in her oven overnight to finish drying. It really hadn't been a problem before. She simply put dishes in the automatic dishwasher and whatever was left was cleaned by hand and stuck in the oven to dry. The next day she awoke to clean, dry dishes ready to be put up in their places. This system worked well for the Queen and all the people in the land of modular homes were happy.

At least until the King decided to make breakfast one morning and turned the oven on to 400 degrees ( without checking it for dishes) and let that puppy go.

The King had turned his back to the oven to begin making biscuits when flames began rolling out from the oven. The Queen awoke to the wonderful sounds of their smoke alarms blaring. She raced to the kitchen in time to see her husband put out the fire and race past her holding an oven rack covered with the melted white goo of plastic.

The Queen despite all odds broke into a hysterical laughing fit...until she saw the king's face. The king wavered from happiness because they were all alive and still able to live in their little modular home and wanting to strangle the lovely yet apparently forgetful Queen.

As the black soot settled on the counter tops (and fridge, sink, cabinets, pantry...really...I could go on..) the Queen vowed to never leave anything in the oven ever again and took the family out to a nice breakfast at the royal International House Of Pancakes.

So dear children if you find yourself visiting a friend's home and see the charred and gooey ( now hard as a brick) remains of plastic melted onto an oven rack on your friend's front porch try not to judge because one day it just might be you who almost burned the kingdom to the ground.

Damn plastic bowl....

Admittance Is The First Step

I realized ( as I was scrolling through another page after page of Sherlock memes ) that I might have a problem. I might be a little...tad bit.....obsessive. The only problem to my problem is that it's not just one thing. I've discovered that if I find something that is worthy enough to capture my attention I immediately fall in love. Not in a good way either. I go instant stalker and immediately launch into creepy climbing in your windows and watching you sleep sort of obsessing.

I mostly keep the weirdness to myself in public ( excluding Facebook, where I have graduated from Hogwarts, am from District 4, and work at the Dauntless compound) but privately and in my mind I am obsessing 24/7 over the latest, well...obsession.

Here are a few of my latest:

Gardening. 

Normal People: 
Let's try to grow some tomatoes or maybe cucumbers this year, wouldn't that be fun?

Me:
* calculates how much we would need to plant and garden to sustain our family in produce for a year* Go big or go home right babe? Oh hey I also pinned like twenty raised bed gardening ideas and tips. Oooohh I need these monogrammed gloves. Do these overalls make me look fat? Don't answer that...

Essential Oils

Normal People: 
Yea, they're really great. It's nice to explore healthier medicinal options.

Me: 
OH.MY.GOD. you guys! Have you smelled this one? What about this one? Hey...you have a cold...hold on let me go get my bottles. Hey hon will you go grab those six essential oil books from the car I picked up today? Ooohhh another blend to add to my EO board. Hey babe..I need a binder I'm going to make my own EO recipe and ailment book. We NEED a diffuser!

New TV Shows

Normal People: 
Oh yeah, I like that show. It's pretty good, we try to catch it when it comes on.

Me: 
I'm putting Once Upon A Time's opening song as my ringtone. I just downloaded all of the songs from The Originals...score! My fantasy football team's name is The Dowager's Defeatists...which was almost Touchdownton Abbey. Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock. What do you mean it would be weird to put 221 b on our house door? Do you think I have a doppelganger?

New Books 

Normal People: 
It's such a good book, I'll loan it to you I think you'll like it.


Me: 
What do you mean you want to borrow my baby? OH MY GOSH did you read the latest Mortal Instruments book? Which faction are you? Hey there's no shame in admitting Hufflepuff. I LOVE Veronica Roth......I HATE Veronica Roth. Have you read that one? My tastes are......eclectic. Oooohhhh is that a new bookstore?

My Keurig

Normal People:
Yeah, I'd recommend it. Makes some great coffee.

Me: 
I've already pinned a thousand coffee recipes featuring a keurig. YAY! Everyone got me K-Cups and syrup for Christmas!!! Ooohhh I need a carousel. Hey sweet mug....You can pay me in coffee. No I haven't opened it yet I wanted to finish watching these instructions, and care videos on Youtube first. I've already read through all the coffee varieties available and their notes...I've circled the ones I might be interested in.



I might need help people...

Judgiest Fortune Cookie Ever

 

Yea I know fortune cookie, but you know what sometimes crap happens. 

Stop judging me with your stupid double smiley faces.

The great equalizer

Maybe it's just me being weird, and having what I expect is a slight case of anxiety cat syndrome, but I feel like I'm constantly being judged in the women's room.

Not just me though, I feel like whenever there is another person ( or God forbid like a pack of them) in the women's room they're all judging me and one another too. I imagine exactly what they're thinking of me when they're standing in front of the mirror touching up their makeup or washing their hands.

She was in there a while...I bet she pooped...ew..who poops?

Her hair is SO frizzy...hello...keratin treatment duh

What the hell is she wearing? Is that a stain? 

Flip flops are so last season


See? Anxiety, and you might think I'm totally making this up, but I'm pretty sure it happens every time I'm in there with someone else. Just think about the last time you were in the bathroom and some crazy pants lady came out of the stall while you were washing your hands, you totally began judging her and guess what...to some people you're their crazy pants, but that's ok. That's ok, because you know what's the great equalizer?

The automatic hand dryer.

Yup, the high speed one. This afternoon I was standing next to a friggen suntan lotion model and feeling like the troll in The Three Billy Goats Gruff ( or the goats, take your pick)and trying to look semi-confident in the mirror when she went to dry her hands and I politely waited my turn. It was then that I noticed it.


The automatic hand dryer levels us all my friends. No matter how perfect you or your hands are it pushes and smooshes the skin in ways that will knock you down a few pegs sister, and the sounds! The tooting noises would keep a teenage boy in stitches for weeks. It is wonderful, and I will forever be grateful for the wonderful makers of this thing who both save the planet and my confidence, one bathroom trip at a time.

Seriously...don't do it.

Don't you hate it when people show up to your house uninvited? I live down a very secluded private road on the camp. When groups are in we might have people coming and going that pass by my house, but nobody that needs to come here. Hubby is the caretaker and we live on the property and for some reason people think this is an extension of his office. NO.

Munchkin is still on a really weird sleep schedule and if you show up to my house anywhere from 8:00am- 10:00am it's unlikely that we will be up because we've just gone to bed at 3:00am. This wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that people do not want to leave us alone. I had FOUR days in a row where people stopped at this house wanting to speak to Hubby ( who YES has a cell phone and wasn't even home) or who needed to drop something off for Hubby ( they literally pass his office which is designed for that on the way to my house).

I just don't get it. One man was so courteous as to pull up in our driveway and honk his horn until I opened the door and threatened him with death ( not really, but I was about three seconds away from it). That was bad, but the early awakers are almost just as bad...we have a little driveway off of the main camp road, what in the world would possess you to drive down it, walk up on our porch, and bang on our door at eight in the morning!?!? I of course answer the door with my ( day...ok two day old) unwashed hair, see-through sleeping pants and Hubby's three times too big shirt and looking like the poster child of an angry zombie from The Walking Dead.

What did this man want at eight in the morning? To talk to Hubby. The conversation went a little like this:

Intrusive Man: " Hey...uh.....I need to speak to Jamie (Hubby)"
 Me: " He isn't here"
Intrusive Man: " He's not?"
Me: " No." ( looking at our driveway where our car clearly is not here)
Intrusive Man: " Well I need to reach him"
Me: " Did you call him?"
Intrusive Man: " Uh....no..."
Me: " Do you need his number?"
Intrusive Man: " No, I have it"
Me: " Have a good day" * shut door*

Now listen, I am a very nice, gracious person. I enjoy having people over and visiting in my home. My issue is when they show up unannounced and the reason is absurd. Some parts of me are embarrassed that these people are seeing my no makeup face, unshaved legs, and holey sweats, but then another part of me thinks if they're willing to be rude and show up unannounced then they totally deserve it.  Heck I've even thought about making it worse. Here are my ideas:

1. Answer the door wearing a silk kimono, holding candles and massage lotion. Tell people that no, Hubby is not home, but I'm super busy and can't talk.

2. Invite them in and when they inevitably ask about your baby take this wonderful time to share your birthing story, make is as detailed and long as possible.

3.  When they ask if you've seen your significant other or where your significant other is start violently crying, and yell " Why don't you ask Loretta!!" and slam the door. They'll be so embarrassed I guarantee you won't see their face for weeks.

4. Pretend you don't speak english, feel free to make up your own language.

5. Ask if it's Halloween already, give them Ramen, politely laugh, feign embarrassment at how fast the days fly by then shut the door. They'll be so confused it might take them a while to get the hint, if they knock again, revert to number four.

6. Pretend you're Scarlett O'Hara.... or Thor, whichever works for you but you really have to own it.

7. When you answer the door, don't let them say anything and loudly proclaim that you're glad they're there. Promptly ask them to help you move furniture around.
 
Or you could make a sign like this creative tot:

I just wish it could be like Downton Abbey where I could have Carson take messages and announcements. I wouldn't have to deal with any of these rude intruders, but unfortunately I'm poor and have no butlers. Sigh. So how do you handles these weird, awkward moments when people randomly show up at your door?

And that is how I became a caterer for a weekend.

Alright so for those of you who might not know: my Hubby runs the maintenance side of a summer camp. Awesome right? Right. Well a few months ago his partner (who runs the booking/scheduling side) left to take over another job and this left Hubby working both positions which is usually something he can handle but for this group he couldn't use the caterer that the camp usually uses because the group was only 23 people ( the normal guy won't cook for any group less than 25). This is where that part of our marriage that the term "partnership" got thrown around and long story short I ended up cooking for them ( totally by myself) while my amazing, awesome, fantabulistic sister watched Munchkin all weekend long (by herself) for the first time. Needless to say this past weekend was a very humbling one for everyone involved.

Let me just share a few facts:
1. The kitchen utilities have been in service longer than my mother has been alive.
2. I have not once turned on a stove in that kitchen prior to Friday morning (AKA: first breakfast for the group)
3. I have never cooked for a group of people larger than seven.

This is basically how things played out:


  1. ( Thursday Night)
Hey....you've got this. You're a great cook! You've cooked for lots of people, they love your food. You'll be fine, it's only three days. You've got this tiger!







2. (Friday Morning)
UGH. Why am I up at 4 a.m.? Who eats breakfast at 6:15?!? Ok, pull it together, let's do this.....set up the waffle griddles, make the mix, this is easy. No problem. Maybe I really can do this.



 

3. ( Still Breakfast)
OH MY GOD! Why are the griddles not hot?!? What happened? I swear I turned them on, they were on and now they're not. What is going on? Oh good lord I tripped a breaker!!! The coffee maker, the warmer, the cooler and both griddles are off! Why? Why did I volunteer for this?! Where is the breaker? Where is another outlet?!?!



And I really could have used someone like Wanda Sykes to just be like:

 

 

   4. (After fixing the breaker and moving griddles) OK.OK. You've gotten the worst out of the way, it's easy peasy from here baby. No worries, just keep making waffles and let's start on that bacon. 

5. ( Halfway through making breakfast)
What demon bacon is this!!? It's burning in seconds and tearing apart! Why?!? I hate you Smithfield. I hate you so much. PLEASE just cook normally and stop splitting and just be normal!What evil pig did you come from? We're halfway through this and I will not be under-minded by bacon!






6. ( Thirty minutes until breakfast)
Wait...I need more waffle mix. Uh-oh. I'm out. Like....out.out. Like there is no more mix and that means I cannot make any more waffles and OH MY GOD why did I even try this?? How did I run out!!?!? Oh no..how many is that total??  I give up, I give up. Mark my words...I GIVE UP!








7. (Twenty minutes until breakfast)
* Hubby walks in while I am frantically counting waffles and tells me everything is fine and to calm down *











8. We hastily figure out that everyone can have one waffle and most will be able to have seconds. Get drinks,fruit, cereals, and sides out. Group starts to line up and I put on my best smile making the plates and passing them out.







9. ( After Breakfast is served)
Thank the LORD! HALLELUJAH! I made it!! One breakfast down!





That is how it went word for word, emotion for emotion. It honestly got a lot better as the weekend progressed and it helped that this group was the most fantastic, wonderful group I could have asked for. They were super nice and one wonderful lady and her son brought me flowers because she has cooked for groups and knows how stressful it can be. Towards the end I got the art of timing down a little more and things got a little easier plus I did have help on the last breakfast service, and Hubby helped for dinners. All in all it was certainly a learning experience. I have a whole new appreciation for caterers I can promise you that.

Beacuse I'm the weirdo who develops allergies at the age of 26 that's why.

The other day my little family had decided to visit a produce market and we got a few peaches, apples, some squash and blueberries.Yesterday I was telling Hubby about how excited I was to put them in a cobbler and I grabbed about four of the peaches and held them to my face to inhale their delicious aroma. A little weird maybe, but harmless right? WRONG.

I poured a glass of tea, and sat on the couch watching Munchkin play in the floor. I texted a friend of mine, about 15 minutes had passed and then suddenly my face started itching. I rubbed it a little, not too worried and then it felt like someone had set it one fire. I ran to the bathroom, washed my face and tried not to scratch it off. I looked into the mirror and had huge welts on my face, my lips were swollen and hives were spreading all over it. I ran back in the living room and screamed something at Hubby about my face being on fire and what the heck is going on. He calmly looked me over and said it was an allergic reaction and what the heck did I put to my face.

After taking two benadryl tablets we finally figured out it must have been the peaches. I didn't think it was possible so what is the normal reaction to deduce this problem? Rub it on my wrist of course! So Hubby does just that and of course within five minutes my wrist is red, swollen, broken out and burning. Hubby is getting concerned, I'm wailing about not being able to eat peach cobbler again and then my throat starts swelling.

Hubby wanted to take me into the ER asap, but I was like "Dude, we don't have health insurance, and it's just one side of my throat so chill" which of course he did not. So there we were with Munchkin trying to figure out why mommy had a bag of peas pressed to her face, Daddy was hovering over mommy like a hawk and asking " Are you OK? Is it any worse?" a million times and mommy simultaneously waving him away and crying about Chick-Fil-A's peach milkshake.

It was eventful to say the least.

I woke up today with itchy hives still on my face and wrist. We thought about it though and I haven't had one peach since giving birth to Munchkin. The Dr. had said that my body would change and I totally expected the stretch marks, but peaches?!? Glorious, southern, sweet peaches!?!?!! I guess I should be thankful it's nothing like dairy or chocolate, but it still sucks. I did wash those peaches before I put them in the bowl FYI, and Hubby rubbed them on himself plus earlier that day Munchkin had been playing with them, and they both had eaten them so it's definitely me.

 I've never had an allergy, I've never had to watch what I ate and what I was around.

Like today I was feeding Munchkin one of those squeeze fruit pouches and without thinking I got some on the pouch and licked it off and then I went into panic mode about possibly having peaches in it. It's just so strange. So yea, I now have a friggen peach allergy. awesome.

Now if you'll excuse me while I go delete everything "peach" off my Pinterest board.

Mayor Stubbs I tip my hat to you, or I would if I was wearing one...don't take it personally I don't have the headshape to wear most hats.

Ok, so I know that technically I am a year late on this but I recently read this article about a cat who has been the elected mayor of a town in Alaska for 15 years . I am not making this up. This cat...sorry....Mayor Stubbs...has been a write in candidate and has won the election for mayor in the town of Talkeetna for 15 years. 15 FRIGGEN YEARS! I couldn't buck up the courage to run for class president and a cat out-confidenced me on a mayorship! They all love him, they are so happy with him that one person goes on to say he's probably the best mayor they have ever had and another that he's honest and doesn't raise taxes.

I thought about that a moment and was like...how ridiculous then I thought, you know that's actually not a bad idea. Cats can't be persuaded or bullied into doing anything they don't want to do so we wouldn't have to worry about funding from shady sources, and just think about how adorable our list of presidents would be if we start electing cats to run things.I'm all for electing animals, just not anything like a beaver or chicken...that would just be opening the door for other countries to make jokes about us. Let's stick with cats...no dogs, sorry. They are people-pleasers and would do anything for a belly rub...if you know what I mean, but to tell you the truth they should have started with the hampsters. Think of all that unharnessed energy we could be putting to use.

I think cats have been biding their time since the days of Egypt until they would rule over us again. Like I said, I am all for it all I ask is that we keep the cat names. I want a mayor mittens and senator whisker bottoms. I better not see any "max" or " ben" names. No deal.

I would also like to go on record and say that I would totally lobby for Hunter S. Thomcat, AKA: the cat who was almost strangled by Copernicus the homicidal monkey and owned by the AMAZING Bloggess. He would have my vote, mark my words people.


--- in other news...the birthday went swimmingly. Also I've been watching Downton Abbey non-stop for about a week. How Thrilling! ( If you didn't say that in an English accent I am thoroughly dissapointed in you)

--- also I misspelled "thoroughly" the first time I wrote it out but spelled "homicidal" right on the first try...don't really know what that says about my character....

Baby clothes sale, catch the fever!

I had four separate people tell me that baby clothes were on sale today. 

Four. 

The first time was when Hubby and I were at the flea market and while walking by a man's booth the guy jumped out of his chair and quickly informed me that he got a new shipment of baby clothes in and they were at rock bottom prices. I kindly nodded, but informed the man that her closet was slammed full but I appreciated the heads up.

( totally true...Munchkin is the first grandchild and the first niece so everyone under the sun buys her clothes)

We decided to hit up an "upscale consignment boutique", and while we were in there an older lady practically dragged me by my arm into her little shop to see all her crocheted baby clothes she had on sale. I commented on a few pretty pieces, but told her that Munchkin's closet was packed to the gills and she just didn't need any more right now. Thanked her, and left.

Well a friend of mine told me that Tuesday Morning was having an awesome sale ( which they TOTALLY are) so we stopped by on our way home ( I know...best Hubby..EVER). The only thing I found was a beautiful faux gold plate that was originally 9 bucks on sale for 2.00 and 60% off that! woohoo! I waited for a lady to finish her purchase and then we were motioned to move forward to a man's register. After we paid the man was bagging up my plate and said " I can't believe you didn't find any baby clothes." I smiled and told him the same thing I told the other two, and we left. I was starting to feel really odd.

On the way to the car the woman who was checking out before us called to us as we passed and said " You should've gotten some of those baby clothes, it's SUCH a good sale!" I smiled and told her the same friggen thing that I was soon starting to memorize and then I got in the car and headed to the flippin' house.

It really got me thinking....was my baby dressed as a little ragamuffin so badly to the point where everyone thought she deserved better clothing and maybe they just sensed that it would have to be cheap for my penny-pinching self? No, because I had her looking really cute with a bow and everything.

Maybe because I had her looking super cute they thought " oh wow...look at that fashionista, I guarantee she'll want to buy THESE baby clothes". ( I really hope you said that sentence in your head with a haughty male crescendo voice, if not...I am slightly dissapointed in you)

It also could have been that this economy really sucks and any woman with a baby is a target for selling baby clothes to and everyone just wants to make a buck, or maybe they just really wanted to pass along the savings, maybe a little of both....I dunno, but I'd like to think it's the fashionista one.

Out of it

I feel like I've been in sort of a funk lately. Usually I spend my morning catching up and commenting on all of my favorite blogs, writing my own blog post, and doing a bit of cleaning and chasing a now (practically) mobile Munchkin. Lately however I haven't visited another blog in quite a few days, I have a huge pile of laundry, and I've just been sort of reading instead. It's not that I don't enjoy reading, it's just that I feel sort of off, and I promise as soon as everything clicks together I'll crank out something worthwhile. When...I'm not sure, but if you could put up with me until then...that would be awesome.

I don't know if it's just work crap or Hubby's work picking up or a little bit of off camera drama, but I just sort of feel like I'm in a funk. Not sad, angry or depressed....just a funk...oh and still no Artemis, in case you were wondering. I've pretty much given up hope.

As a side note, did you guys make a big deal out of your kid's first birthday? I have had relatives coming out of the woodworks asking about Munchkin's birthday party ( which is still about FOUR, yes FOUR months away). I was honestly planning on one balloon and a small cake for her, but good Lord I have been asked about themes, the number of invites, and a present list. I have seen both Hubby's and my own first birthday pics and we were both in a highchair...with one balloon, and one cake. Boom, done. I just think its a little strange to put in a lot of work for a first birthday. I don't know...what's your take?

Sorry kid, you're not on the list.

Can I be happily smug just once? please?

This morning the baby woke me up early so I headed outside to the porch with her high chair at the door so we could see each other and I planted the flowers I bought yesterday. They are Vincas, Moss Roses, Snapdragons ( yes...I know their season is almost over but the whole container was a dollar so....there.) and my personal favorite....Lavender.

I finally got everything planted, plus put up a hummingbird feeder on our window when she began to fuss. I cleaned everything off and headed inside. I picked her up and started brewing some coffee and humming to myself. There literally could not have been a better way to start my morning.

I had just sat down with Munchkin when I noticed she smelled like poop. Awesome. It was then that I discovered that she did in fact poop.....all over herself, and it was slowly creeping up her back. I changed her and fast forward about 20 minutes had her down for a morning nap. Awesome.

I sat down with my coffee in my quiet house thinking...yes....I do deserve this peacefulness and decided to update my Facebook status to something smugly happy that basically said

" flowers planted, coffee made, it's going to be a lovely day. "

 No sooner had I pressed "send" to post the status when I dropped my hot coffee all over myself, and the remote and also somehow managed to drop her baby monitor onto the floor which woke her up. She started wailing, I was trying not to say some very naughty words that rhymed with duck and fit and all I could think about was alright, well played world. I was becoming too smugly secure and on my high horse....thank you for knocking me down a peg or two. I get it....maybe next time could it be cold tea please?

This of course put me in a sour mood, and speaking of sour did you guys see that jerk on the Today show  who was talking about " How to wear white before Memorial Day"?

He began talking about a trench coat and said and I QUOTE " It will make you feel so wonderful and it costs nothing, it's from Banana Republic". The jacket he was referring to was 189.00.

Dude, I have issues buying jackets at Wal-Mart that I feel haven't been marked down enough much less 200 bucks on a brand new white trench coat! We got this here recession on man...get with the times.

Kudos for Al Roker for looking at those panels of "Find the Perfect Shades of White to Fit Your Home" and calling the woman out on the fact that they all looked identical.

Happiness and a Secret

First of all, we are over 10,000 page views people!!! WOOHOO!! 

Second of all, I have a pretty big secret folks....my Aunt has offered to fly Hubby, Munchkin and I to visit my Grandma in Louisiana. I cannot flippin' wait!! My Grandma has no idea, and we rarely get to see each other for the holidays so surprising her like this is pure amazingness!!! My Aunt is beyond loving and generous by the way, and when she called I almost started crying myself. I was born in Louisiana and we moved to South Carolina when I was little. I love going back, I miss my family, I miss the swamps, I miss the landmarks, and I miss the food.

Hubby and I have been wanting to take Munchkin down to visit everyone, but we just haven't had the time and monetary resources. When my Aunt presented this offer we made time and started making plans. I am so exited, but I also have no idea if there will be any WiFi so I might be MIA for a week.  I know...I'm sorry.

This will also be the first time riding on a plane for me, and I am deathly afraid of heights. It's going to be bad people. I literally lock up if I get on a step ladder that is too high. I have these horrible day dreams where I'm crying and Munchkin is crying and Hubby is like dear God please let this end.

I saw the article about the new parents who brought treats and ear plugs for everyone on the plane...ha! That is so not going to happen, I'm going to be too involved in trying not to have a heart attack and die than worrying over other passengers. So....If I do make it there....it will be awesome. If not then I bequeath my website to Hubby, who will probably turn it into a hunting and/or woodworking forum. You have been warned. We fly out this Wednesday!! Wish me luck!

Fortune Cookie Blunders

It feels like a Sunday to me, does it feel that way to you guys? Maybe it's because my company left so the house is back to being just Hubby and I so everything is pretty quiet and calm. I honestly LOVE when family comes in because they live about five hours away ( his ) and fourteen hours away ( mine ) so when the chance pops up for us to be together we like to take it and enjoy it. I honestly get along with (most of ) his family so you won't find any horrible mother-in-law stories here...mine is an awesome one.

My father-in-law is one of the sweetest men in the world, he would give you the shirt off his back, and would do anything he could to help you if you needed it. He is also a pretty big redneck and has two bad ears....this of course causes a ton of hilarious happenings. I swear he is related to Si from Duck Dynasty. The following took place at our local chinese food place at the end of dinner, while we were opening fortune cookies.

Hubby: " You will know the heardings of your accomplishments will be fruitiful."
Hubby then gave a confused look at we all laughed.
Mom-in-law: " Patiences woman are of joyous beholdings"
Me: " huh....I think that one's a compliment..." 
Table laughing again.
Me: " You will soon have a new line of work.....well...hallelujah!"
Friend: " I picked that one for you....you're welcome." (all smugly)
Friend: " Travels to lands are bounty....?"
Me: "They need to hire an editor."
Whole table cracks up
Father-in-law then speaks
" You know...I've never seen them with this many grammerical errors." (ps- he totally emphasized the -erical part)


Needless to say we all had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard and do not hire my father-in-law to be a fortune cookie editor.

How to make time for yourself...bubble style.

I've had one of those months that just seem to go by in a crazy, blurry, stressful flash. We have had sickness, car wrecks, cars breaking down, work going crazy for BOTH Hubby and I, Munchkin starting to roll over and try to crawl ( and therefore smacking her head on the floor and giving me heart attacks), family coming in, family going out, six birthdays, one wedding,multiple Dr. appointments, Hubby and I having issues with not having any time together, a court date, then a court date being moved, family bickering, a future trip, getting a new pet, having a pet get pregnant, and a few other things but I'm so over it all that I just can't even think about them.

I feel like every time I plan to sit down for a moment and take time to myself to write and savor the blog a million things pop up and it's off to do something else. So this month I apologize because I feel almost like I'm on cruise control and just sort of trying to keep my head above the water. Things will get better, things will slow down and everything will be fine....at least that's what I keep telling myself.

This post literally took almost two full days to write. Every time I sat down it was something: the baby woke up, Hubby can't find something, family wants to come over, cat broke something, cat woke the baby up, passed out from sleep exhaustion....you get the picture. 

This stressful, crazy, non-stop month has gotten my sarcastic humor side in overdrive so please enjoy the top five ways to make time for yourself:

1. Get completely under the covers with your laptop and put a sign on the outside that says " Trapped ghost....do not bother it or it will escape and haunt you." I don't recommend this for smaller children, instead use the word "Velociraptor" and "murder you"....shouldn't scar them too much....I think....

2. Tell them you visited the doctor and he said that you have a horrible rash that will only go away if you take an hour long bath. The rash causes you to cook lots of vegetables and force children to make their beds if it doesn't go away, so really this is in their best interest.

3. Lock your bedroom door and announce loudly that you are getting a jump on spring cleaning. Feel free to pull the mop and broom in there for show, and be sure to emit a few grunts for good measure. If they knock on the door as them if they're offering to help. When you get some peace open the door and if they comment about the still dirty looking room....cry.

4. Just remind ( pick a kid this could apply to) that they have a research paper due tomorrow and when they obviously have no clue what you're talking about huff and exasperatedly say you'll do it for them, but just this one time. You require a computer, snacks, and at least three or four hours of silence. When they question it the next day just tell them you were testing their memory and they failed.


5. Fake your car breaking down and spend the afternoon with some coffee, a book and someplace quiet. Call Hubby and tell him the mechanic guys said it might take a while, but you're totally keeping a calm head and the insurance will cover it all.

The day after....

Well I nervously headed out to the wrap party last night, and although I knew my friend who invited me I was still worried over being around a whole bunch of skinny " healthy foods only" women. The type who make you feel like crap for having one soft drink and not eating your veggies. These women were not like that. The ladies who hosted it were really awesome, and they immediately welcomed me and before I knew it we were all chatting it up. The atmosphere was pretty relaxed, and when I first got there the lady brought me to the back to put on the wrap.

She asked me where I wanted the wrap done, and of course I aimed for the tummy. She brought me to a room in the back and she asked me to lift my shirt. She said she was going to take before and after pictures of me and swore she would never share them with anyone.

I admit, it was beyond unnerving to have a stranger not only look at your stretch-marked, bloated belly, but also have her less than a foot away snapping pictures of it. She was literally on her knees snapping the pics and when she unbuttoned my pants I thought things were going to get weird, but no....she just applied the wrap and began telling me about the wrap itself.

When everyone was wrapped the ladies gathered us all around and we listened to them talk about the products. I was interested in the weight loss part of course, but the more they talked and shared their stories the more it encouraged me to not only strive for eating better to lose weight,but also to get my body where it wants to be naturally and I think that when that happens the weight will come off too.

Don't get me wrong I'm not about to throw out all the bread and wage war on cheese or anything, I just simply want to give my body all the healthy, natural things that it needs to function. I'm going to start taking the "greens" vitamins mixture which is suppose to alkalize and detoxify you plus give your body all of the nutrients, and fruits and veggies that it needs so you stop craving junk food and it boosts your mood and energy. I'm excited, and Hubby is going to start taking it too!

The wrap honestly did work. I didn't lose weight, but it did take off some inches and made my tummy visibly smaller. Hubby could even tell a difference, but I'm going to see how long these results really last before I do another.

Anyways, the point is that it was really fun, the wrap honestly works, and if you're ever invited to do one I totally encourage it. I'll keep you updated on how well the "greens" mix works I'm placing my order today!

It's going to be an interesting night....

Well my Thursday was not much better but I wasn't bending over in pain either so that's something. an interesting thing happened to me though, I was invited to a " Body Wrap Party". I'm not going to say the name of the company because I wasn't paid for it I don't know if I'm going to like it or not and I love the person who invited me and don't want anyone to be influenced over my opinions.

Listen folks, I had a solid ten pounds of extra weight from the baby that I was holding onto and last night I checked my weight, and I had gained another three pounds so I'm not in a happy place.Can I hear a collective "screw baby weight" please?!?  I've looked at a lot of "before and after" pictures from this company which look amazing so it really picked my spirits up, and supposedly they guarantee results to last anywhere from 2-6 months which I'm tickled pink about, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm still pretty dubious.

All I can picture is this:

Although.....I'm from the south so instead of a dog head man it would probably have to be a mosquito head or something? I'm fairly certain a large mosquito-headed man holding a religious symbol would pretty much scare the fat right outta me. The lady with the peace pipe wouldn't help the situation either, and I'm pretty sure it's going to take more than two bald dudes to wrap my chunky self. However, I am jealous of that leopard throw she's wearing.......( faux...obviously)

 The party is tonight so I will tell you all how it goes! Wish me luck and pray I don't get my brain pulled out of my nose like the poor sap in the illustration. Curse you love of Young Adult Fiction books!!! I'm looking at you Rick Riordan!

Thanks Tuesday...You Were A Douche

It is 8:07 as I type this out, so it totally counts as a blog post for today. I had to go into work this morning and while I was there I developed a migraine that made me want to literally shoot myself in the face to end the pain. It was the type of migraine that went past minor irritation to light and sound, and instead was making me gag and the room spin just from the shear pain of it. I came home shaking, and spent the afternoon crying and trying to go to sleep to make it all go away.

I woke up at about six and miraculously the pain was all gone, and everything was right in the world again. Hubby needed to go to the store so we packed up munchkin and headed out. It wasn't until we were at the store when we realized we had completely forgotten the diaper bag. The only thing she had was a bottle that we made right before we left. Fear set in immediately and although we only planned to be gone for less than an hour we were panic stricken.

Hubby began practically throwing things into the shopping cart, and I was doing everything I could think of to distract her. We were practically running through the isles like we were on Supermarket Sweep and when we were about half way done with our list she began to get fussy. She didn't want the bottle and she was starting to get louder so I picked her up and held her on my front chest facing me which seemed to make her happy.

It was then that I noticed that the whole front part of my shirt had a big, round wet mark on it. It literally covered my whole front like she peed on me. Apparently her bottle had overturned in the car seat and soaked her butt which I then held to my chest. Awesome.

So there I was having to hold the wet butt baby to me because of the huge wet mark on me, and try to entertain her through the store without letting people see because of course you know their going to think she peed on me. Then I'll be that mom whose walking around with pee on her and before you know it I'LL be on People Of Walmart.com.

I kept waiting for someone we knew to come by and ask to hold her, but that didn't happen thank God. We wrapped up the trip with no further incident and vowed to never forget the bag again. Never in my life have I depended so much on one little bag. I think they should invent a button that beeps when you leave the house without it. Yep....my next invention....don't steal that America, I know where you live.

I heart your faces ladies!

Made at Wordle

Well, apparently yesterday was International Woman's Day and I had no idea about it until about 11:50 last night. So I wrote this post and am posting it the day after so...Happy Belated International Woman's Day.

I first want to give thanks and honor to of the amazing women that I have in my life who encourage and uplift me daily. I want to thank them not just for the support, but also for being a source of wisdom and guidance.I also want to thank all of my amazing readers, and supporters of this site....I love you, like really creepily love you all. And no, I am not winning an Oscar...I just wanted to give a quick shout out of thanks.

Secondly I began to wonder exactly what International Women's Day was all about. It wasn't technically "Honor Women Day" or "Respect The Women Day". It sort of sounded like " Mother's Day" so I'm fairly certain I was suppose to get a gift.

I made this list completely up did a ton of research and if your spouse is confused about the holiday just tell them this:

The following is entitled to all women and MUST be done or someone will pay the pied piper...I assure you. And it wont be me because I'm poor and I don't even know the going rate of a piper is, much less a pied one.

1. The Woman must be granted a day of no diaper duty. period. If you have to come home from work to change a diaper then so be it pal.

2. The Woman is allowed to get out of a speeding ticket, no wearing of a low-cut shirt necessary. I'm looking at you patrolmen....

3. The Woman is allowed one free dessert from any restaurant of her choice.

4. The Woman is granted a puppy or kitten of her choice for the day, and the kids/and or Hubby shall clean the doodies up.

5. The Woman shall be entitled to an hour long free massage, by a tall handsome muscular professional masseuse.

I don't know about ya'll but I think these rules should take effect immediately and guaranteed by law. Yup, I said it. I'm totally willing to bend on the speeding ticket thing if I can trade it for free coffee all day. That is all. Happy Belated International Women's Day Ladies!