1. Wow, it is gorgeous outside.
Yea I don't know if you noticed or not but...I'm working all afternoon....indoors....dealing with idiots....thanks.
2. (after I yawn) Oh I'm sorry....am I keeping you up?
I have literally killed you in my mind at least three times.
3. ( after handing me money)That's a brand new one, I just made it! ha ha ha!
C'mon man....really? Did you not just hear the last seven people say that same exact dumb joke?
4. You guys should carry _______, those are great...you should really tell them to stock it.
Yes, because multimillion dollar companies always consult the minimum wage cashiers on what they should stock in their stores.
5. If it doesn't scan it's free right? ha!
I give up....and you're not funny.
6. Is that with my great customer discount? Just give me yours....c'mon give me some discount!
If you say this then you're lucky if I give you even a fake smile much less any discounts.
7. ( walks in, doesn't even glance at the HUGE bright signs that clearly say where everything is) Where are screwdrivers?
Quite literally five feet in front of you....under the screwdrivers sign.
8. Working hard or hardly working?
Working hard.....to not stab you with a fork.
9. ( arms loaded down) Can I just set these down here (on my busy counter) while I'm still shopping?
Did you not see the shopping carts and shopping baskets that you passed on your way up here? What do you want me to do with all your crap in my way? Do you REALLY think you're more important than all the other normal shoppers who have their stuff together?...yes....yes they do.
10. ( while I am literally in the middle of a sentence with another customer) I just need to ask you a question....
So does this guy...who politely waited his turn. You know the people who do this were the ones who cut in the lunch line in front of the good honest people like you and I.
11. ( walks up, asks for a price check) No...that's too much...you can have it. ( then leaves)
12. You charged me more, see it's on this (coupon) for five dollars less. (which they didn't show me at all)
I can't read your mind and know you have a coupon in your jacket pocket. Please....allow me to apologize and take up more of my time because you don't know what a coupon is.
13. ( on my way out the store with my jacket, purse and lunch box) Hey...you work here...I need help.
I will make your death slow and painful.
Submitted to Amanda over at Serenity Now