Monday, April 15, 2013

Wanted: Mommy Friend

See Stipulations Below

1. Must be willing to go to Sunday School on Sunday and then hit up the two for one margaritas on Monday at the local Mexican restaurant while the Dads watch the munchkins. You get bonus points if your guy is into Call of Duty.

2. Must like to cook, but not be such a good cook that it makes me feel inferior. 

3. If you don't know who the Bloggess is, just walk away......

4. You must be loyal, I'm talking about willing to face dozens of strangers in a crowded movie theater just waiting to pounce on that empty chair and giving you all types of dirty looks loyal. 

5. I value honesty. If that shirt I'm rocking makes me look like the "before" shots from What Not to Wear please girl....speak up. Must be willing to accept honesty right back. 

6. If you're sneaking your daughter's copies of Twilight and Harry Potter and reading them at night...please apply...and apply soon, I need someone to gab to about The Infernal Devices series.

7. If you spend an unhealthy amount of time on Pinterest this position may be for you. 

8. If you can go from Martha Stewart to Gretchen Wilson in five seconds if someone messes with your kid please, please apply. 

9. If you decorate for every holiday, I'm already lovin' you.

10. Your kid can't be a douche...there...I said it. 

11. Your Husband can't be a douche either. 

12. Must be close. I'm pretty lazy and I am not going to drive more than 15's just not going to happen. I might give you 25 minutes if you're pretty awesome, but you better have either coffee or cake waiting on me when I get there buddy, and yes...I'll totally do the same for you. 

13. Must have a sense of humor or this isn't going to work out, trust me on this one. 

14. If your life is similar to Duck Dynasty, if you're not a fan of "Upward" sports teams, and if you spend a majority of your day making sarcastic comments in your head and wiping a cute but dirty face all day then this job is made for you. 

Apply Inside, Restrictions Apply, Management Reserves the Right to Refuse Service,


  1. 1. Check (Except the Call of Duty bonus points)
    2. Not so much.
    3. ??
    4. Any time!
    5. Deal!
    6. Shamefaced. No Harry Potty (my five year old's affectionate name for him) here but collector edition of the twilight series lives on my bedside table.
    7. Again. Sadly, Check!
    8. Martha Stewart? Ick. Gretchen Wilson? Ick, ick!
    9. Who has time for that? Besides, there are only two: Christmas and softball season.
    10. Hmmm...not the exact word I would use. But all kids have their moments once they learn to fit.
    11. Absolutely NOT!
    12. Sorry!
    13. Check...I think!
    14. Parts of this fit.
    Good luck with the application process!!! :)

  2. So fun! I love your list. Now off to Google what a Bloggess is. LOL!!