Monday, March 25, 2013

Shopping Sucks

If you ever want to feel really horrible about yourself just go clothes shopping....after giving birth seven months ago....while being on your period....and after gaining three extra pounds on top of the ten you already had leftover after you gave birth. It will break you people.

Hubby suggested we go clothes shopping because he is the greatest Hubby in the world and also because I have two pants and two shirts that I alternate if I'm not at work in my work clothes. I was really looking forward to it. I was foolishly excited to match some clothes and buy some cute outfits and heck maybe an accessory or two.

So there we were about two minutes from home and  I was practically skipping into the Cato's Clothing Store. Before you could say hello good lookin' I had a bunch of clothes and was trying them on. They fit, but they just didn't look right. One make my boobs look like they were trying to escape ( which is a magic trick ok...if you get what I'm sayin') and the others just highlighted some non-flattering areas. With a heavy sigh I put the clothes back and we headed over to Wal-Mart right next door.

There wasn't anything I wanted to try on. I was already wearing their jeans and none of their shirts jumped out at me so we decided to take this goat rodeo about thirty minutes down the road to Marshalls. I LOVE marshalls and TJMAXX ok...I really do, but when we went there was NOTHING even close to my sizes that was flattering. I started to wonder what type of crazy person decided that huge layers of fabric and wide angles would be a flattering choice for clothing. It was pretty horrible and I started to get a little down about the whole thing. Cheery Hubby however suggested we go to the mall right across the road.

I found some clothes that I immediately wanted to try on at  JC Penny but when I actually put them on I would have needed the next size up which of course they did not have and when I did find something that actually fit it made me look huge, or maybe made my hugeness stick out...either way I wasn't about to pay forty bucks for it. After trying a few more stores and clothes that were too small or just didn't look right...I swear a skinny saleslady snickered when I asked to try on some shirts at one store.... we headed back to the car where I started crying.

Hubby was just sitting there unsure about what to say or do and when he suggested that maybe we go to the other mall which has more stores I started wailing that I was just too fat for everything and deserved to just wear two shirts. Hubby being the saint he is headed to the other mall.

My sister met us there, which by the way was another twenty minutes from the first mall. I headed to a few more stores and had the exact same results as the first. We then walked into Charlotte Russe where I found one glorious shirt that actually fit. I was ecstatic. I gathered a few more up and happily walked to the dressing room only to find out that because it was six, which apparently was when they closed that I could not try the clothes on. I think the women literally heard my heart fall to the floor.

 I numbly put the other clothes down and paid for my one shirt. I cried all the way to the car. I had no idea that they closed early that day and I had so many shirts that could have fit, and they were just right there but I couldn't take the chance of them not fitting so there I was....with one shirt. My sister then suggested Target and I started crying like a baby mumbling about being too fat, and why bother.

Hubby and sis basically dragged me into Target and I grabbed two shirts not even having the hope that they would fit and miraculously......they friggen fit. I almost did jazz hands coming out of that dressing room. The sky was suddenly brighter, the air suddenly crisper, the world suddenly so much better. I ended up with a total of six amazing and fabulous shirts from Target.

It got me thinking, there are stores catering to skinny chicks, there are stores catering to curvy chicks but where are the stores for women who have just a little chunk on them? Where are those stores? Why can't there be a store for new moms who haven't shed the baby weight and are still in maternity pants ( don't you judge me) but who are too big for the small stores and too small for the big stores?? It's a crying shame people. It's just amazing how you feel pretty good about yourself then you go try on clothes and suddenly you're vowing to go jogging every morning for the rest of your life ( yeah right...)

Anyways....if you were too lazy to read the whole story it's basically this....I need someone to create a " short, stocky, and sexy" store for women out there like me. I would also accept " Hot Mama" as a store name. Serve coffee and have good lighting, cheap prices, oh and a dad bench....and a play bar? You get my point. Get to it people! 

--------- Sorry for the HUGE ( I originally typed humungous but it didn't look right in all caps) post, but I am leaving EARLY in the a.m. day after tomorrow so this may be my last post for a while. Please don't forget about me. I love all of your faces...wish me luck ----------------------------


  1. Oh no! You need lovez. And maybe another kitten. Kittens make everything better. And shoes. And earrings. They ALWAYS fit. And maybe a haircut? Sometimes that helps, but don't fall for bangs unless you really wanted them BEFORE the shopping fit of blues. So here's the deal: truly, TRULY, check out some of the stuff across the aisle in the "bigger gal" section/stores, even if only to try on stuff on their smallest scale. #1, almost everything has just enough lycra or something stretchy to never require ironing again. #2, almost all the tops are just a teensy bit longer, which hides all manner of "sins". #3, some of the stores that cater to those of us for whom these were the only options actually recognize that not everyone will benefit from an elastic band around their hips and a little "blousing" action around what is arguably the biggest problem area I have. So there's more generic "shapes" and if you find one that really works for you, work the HELL out of it. Personally, for me, there was a need to have some kind of empire waist line going on, because that spot under my bust was the thinnest thing going on. Now that I've lost some weight, I can't wear them anymore because I look pregnant/nursing because they look like maternity tops now. So I've had to ditch those and get more comfortable with some more snugly fitted stuff... and with going back to work I need to look attractive without giving it all away... so there's been some challenges there too. So really all you can do is get used to the idea that you're in a transition phase. Take a good, HONEST, LOVING girlfriend out, throw on some Walmart jeans, some ballet flats and a cami and a cardigan and head out to Value Village and drag a HUUUUUGE pile of all SORTS of crap into the dressing room and TRY IT ON. You will have no idea what will look good or not until it gets tried on. And once you get your head around how your body looks in particular stuff, then it will be easier (and cheaper! and faster!) to spend money at the SCHMALL, which is the source of all that is evil and nefarious in this world. And Claires. But we don't talk about my unhealthy obsession with Claires since The Incident. Love you! Have a great trip with your family!!!

  2. Okay, so I totally had a super great link for you. I looked for it and guess what? They have gone out of business!!! Sheesh. You are so right about clothing shopping being a self esteem killer of the worst kind. I found a site called It was strictly for women size 10/12/14/16. They had amazing designer stuff (a little pricey but for the occasional splurge, totally doable). Guess there were not enough of us girls out there to keep them afloat. :( So sorry you had such a bad experience but hey, on the bright you know where to go. Also, Maurice's has super cute things and I have good luck with them carrying plenty of great stuff (even in my size). :)

  3. Aww I've had this experience so many times--and I don't have any kids yet!! I'm a curvy gal, but I actually have a waistline that I'd love to show off. So many clothes seemed to be designed for stick-straight girls with no meat on their bones, and it's so.frustrating. I echo Nicole--find an awesome friend you trust and go try on a zillion styles until you find a couple things you can totally rock. I can always pull off A-line skirts, structured blouses, and a great v-neck, and knowing that gives me a smidge of confidence when it seems like the dressing room is planning my emotional demise.