More idiot customer dealings.

Me: " Hello how are you to-"
Customer: (cuts me off) " Where is my cart I had brought up? That guy said he was bringing it up."
Me: ( pointing at cart in box) "Is it a welding cart?"
Customer: "NO, no, no mine is 'pose to be put together."
Me: "No sir, we don't have any assembled."
Customer: "Are you fricken kidding me?"
Me: "Sorry."
Customer: "I want one already put together, I'm paying for a fricken cart not a box"
Me: ( lightly laughs) " Sorry..sir, but it's actually just a few screws if that makes you feel any better."
Customer: ( IMITATES MY LAUGHING) " laughing wont get my damn cart assembled"
Me: ( no smile obviously).....
Customer: "Let me talk to a damn manager."
- Manager repeats what I say, customer then begins to loudly talk about how bad our customer service is...I kid you not. I seriously wish I was joking. -
Me: " That will be 38.57"
Customer: "I deserve a damn discount...can't you slip me a discount"
 Then SMILES at me, like we we're kidding and friends this whole time...HHHMMM after you insulted me, irritated me, made me call a manager and then started cussing at me. YYYYEEEEAA sure let me just hook you right up....
Me: " 38.57 sir."
Customer: "I'll tell you this, I'm gonna pay for it but y'all wont see me back in here I can guarantee you that."
 ------Promise?!?


Me: ( answering the phone while store is REALLY busy and I have a line of people)
"Thank you for calling ____ this is Nickie how can I help you?"
Customer: "  Well you see I bought one of your drills and I like the drill, it's a great drill. My brother in law didn't believe how little of a price I paid for it. You know some of your stuff is crap, but a lot of it really is a good deal.That drill is worth its weight in gold. So I bought it during Christmas time.."
Me: ( thinking of committing suicide on the other end waiting for the flippin question)
Customer: "...and I never got to use it till a week ago, you know how Christmas time is. Anyways, I finally got to use it and that was when I found out that I liked it so much and I decided that maybe I should get another battery so I can use it all the time. You really wouldn't believe how many things I can do with this thing and it's so cheap I just can't hardly believe it...."
Me: ( ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME) " Oh yea, they are awesome, so you need mo-?"
Customer: ( cuts me off ) " Oh yea they are...I'm gettin' to that. So I really liked it and I wanted to buy a second battery for it, but now that I'm thinking of it maybe I'd like to get three or four and....
Me: ( stepping in here and getting glares of death from other customers who are waiting). " Well we do have those batteries in stock would you like me to put them on hold for you?"
Customer: " Well see I can't come in and get it because I bought it in your store while I was visiting. We like to travel down a few times a year you know and we wont be back for a while. I wish we lived closer, heck I wish we at least had a store near us, but we don't so we travel down with our vacation ya know....well anyways I know about the website which is pretty handy because....."
 This continued for another six minutes. SIX. I timed it. The kicker was that he already knew the website and was wondering if we had a parts number to get the product to him faster...which we do not. So basically I lost fourteen minutes of my life on hold with a customer who I could not help and basically called me for no reason other than to gab about our products while I was being mentally shanked by the other customers in line.