Why Cosmopolitan magazine is NOT for new moms

I was talking to a friend of mine and happened to mention that while Hubby was at the grocery store picking up a loaf of french bread for supper he grabbed a Cosmopolitan magazine for me. I had smiled and said thanks, but honestly...I haven't read a Cosmo in years they just don't appeal to me anymore.If I pick one up for myself it's going to be OK, Oprah, Women's World or All You. I'm more into DIY decorating and cheap healthy ideas. She had began to laugh and we talked about how different things were after you get a little older and have kids. When you're seventeen and eighteen life is all about Cosmo and Vogue, it's daring and hot. When you get older you're daring yourself to stay up past eleven and you're hot from entertaining and chasing around your kids all day. We were cracking up at some of the titles and headlines on their magazine and website and I quote:

 1. What your Hooha is trying to tell you.
Yay! Congrats on the baby...man we really did a good job there! I'm going to reward you with like twelve weeks of seriously bad bleeding and cramps, how does that sound? Great! 
 2. Why Some Men Cheat
They're assholes. boom. I just saved you like six bucks.
3. Texts that Make Him Eager to Come Home Tonight
Dude, pizza is ordered and a new episode of Duck Dynasty comes on tonight.
4. Celeb Bikinis on Parade
Actually I already got my daily dose of feeling crappy about myself today thanks.
5. Brown-Eyed Men Are More Trustworthy?
Yeah...ok and blonde haired guys are more likely to make excellent chicken carbonara. 
6. Sexy Hairstyles to Rock on Rainy Days
Most days I'm lucky if I get a shower and brush my teeth before noon and let's be honest here the only thing I'm rockin' on rainy days is my snuggy.
7. Why You Should Drink More
Ok...I'm listening......
8.Seven Things You Don't Know About Your Man
HA! Look I have seen this man in situations that might make nurses blush, and he is the same way with me. More conversations then I'd like to admit begin with " Hey...will you look at this spot here...."  trust me on this one...we know all there is to know whether we want to or not.
9. What He Really Thinks About Your Lingerie
Wow the hue of those sweatpants really sets off the color of her eyes.
10. Would You Do Him Outside?
Good Lord! Really!?! Have you not heard of sunburns? Or maybe the fact that it's winter and we all know that when it comes to mommy and daddy time cold weather is NOT working in our man's favor. 

Now if new mommies ran the mag.:
( p.s. I would have a year's subscription before you could say mommy needs a vacation, can I get an AMEN!)