Friday, January 11, 2013

Why Cosmopolitan magazine is NOT for new moms

I was talking to a friend of mine and happened to mention that while Hubby was at the grocery store picking up a loaf of french bread for supper he grabbed a Cosmopolitan magazine for me. I had smiled and said thanks, but honestly...I haven't read a Cosmo in years they just don't appeal to me anymore.If I pick one up for myself it's going to be OK, Oprah, Women's World or All You. I'm more into DIY decorating and cheap healthy ideas. She had began to laugh and we talked about how different things were after you get a little older and have kids. When you're seventeen and eighteen life is all about Cosmo and Vogue, it's daring and hot. When you get older you're daring yourself to stay up past eleven and you're hot from entertaining and chasing around your kids all day. We were cracking up at some of the titles and headlines on their magazine and website and I quote:

 1. What your Hooha is trying to tell you.
Yay! Congrats on the we really did a good job there! I'm going to reward you with like twelve weeks of seriously bad bleeding and cramps, how does that sound? Great! 
 2. Why Some Men Cheat
They're assholes. boom. I just saved you like six bucks.
3. Texts that Make Him Eager to Come Home Tonight
Dude, pizza is ordered and a new episode of Duck Dynasty comes on tonight.
4. Celeb Bikinis on Parade
Actually I already got my daily dose of feeling crappy about myself today thanks.
5. Brown-Eyed Men Are More Trustworthy?
Yeah...ok and blonde haired guys are more likely to make excellent chicken carbonara. 
6. Sexy Hairstyles to Rock on Rainy Days
Most days I'm lucky if I get a shower and brush my teeth before noon and let's be honest here the only thing I'm rockin' on rainy days is my snuggy.
7. Why You Should Drink More
Ok...I'm listening......
8.Seven Things You Don't Know About Your Man
HA! Look I have seen this man in situations that might make nurses blush, and he is the same way with me. More conversations then I'd like to admit begin with " Hey...will you look at this spot here...."  trust me on this one...we know all there is to know whether we want to or not.
9. What He Really Thinks About Your Lingerie
Wow the hue of those sweatpants really sets off the color of her eyes.
10. Would You Do Him Outside?
Good Lord! Really!?! Have you not heard of sunburns? Or maybe the fact that it's winter and we all know that when it comes to mommy and daddy time cold weather is NOT working in our man's favor. 

Now if new mommies ran the mag.:
( p.s. I would have a year's subscription before you could say mommy needs a vacation, can I get an AMEN!)

Featured At Serenity Now


  1. HA! This is priceless!

    I have three boys, 3-1-2 weeks, and I still have multiple magazine subscriptions and I just can't seem to read them without the occasional eye-roll.

    1. WOW! I feel a sudden urge to send you a Starbucks gift card lol Seriously you win my respect like..forever, I couldn't even imagine chasing after so many munchkins! lol It's funny though how you don't realize how unrealistic they can be until you read them as a mom.
      "25 NEW Ways to Turn on a Man"
      Yeah..we've got kids...pretty sure we know what works by now.

  2. Oh, Mercy Daisy!!! What a hoot - and every bit true! Dang, you nailed it, girl.

    1. Thank You! I really appreciate the support!!

  3. WHEE!! I am so excited other people are discovering you and commenting and following.... not one, but TWO totally RANDOM strangers repinned your "Poopsplosion" blog from my Pinterest link. I feel like maybe now we're BOTH just a little more popular. :D

    1. I literally giggled like a little schoolgirl when I read your comment. You are amazing. Like super should think about wearing a cape.

    2. I literally posted a pic on fb today of a kitten under a blanket and the caption read: "Feeling super lazy today, which is a lot like normal lazy but with a cape." ROFL (IAC)

  4. Oh this is funny. I got all the way to #2 before I finally cracked up. Very clever. :)

    Every once in a while my husband randomly buys me fancy home decorating magazines. It must be a hint? I guess not reading them is my way of hinting back. ;)

    1. Thank you for the support!!!! HA! too funny you should buy a men's fitness or a vacations mag and casually leave it on the counter.

  5. LOL What an awesome post! Thanks for my morning chuckle.
    Saw you featured at the Power of Pinterest Party.
    Debbie :)

  6. Sorry! My last comment should have been I saw you featured at Serenity Now! I have both parties opened in tabs and got it mixed up...duh. Guess I can't chew gum & walk. :(
    Debbie :)